Things You have NEVER HEARD

A Woman say:

Damnit, don’t stop for directions, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure out how to get there.

That was fun! When will all of your friends be over to watch football again? 

You’re so sexy when you’re hungover. 

I love it when you play golf on Sunday’s, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.

 No, No, I’ll take the car to have the oil changed. 

 I’d rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping. 

Things NOBODY ever said:

Tell me about your hernia operation again.

I love it when you chew with your mouth open!

Kanye West actually seems like a nice guy.

You look great with that spray tan.

Starbucks coffee isn't sufficiently burnt.

Things NO  Newspaper Ever Wrote

"There are a number of complaints about voting machines that when a citizen tries to vote for a Democrat, it actually registers as a vote for a REPUBLICAN."
(Think about that.)

Any mention of ANYONE ever arrested for voter fraud.

-Ed

 ( Warning:  In spite of the pre-election polls, keep in mind that the two political parties are not playing by the same rules.)